i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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