He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
