Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
