ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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