you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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