HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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