I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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