pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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