Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
so much tequila, so little girl.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
