We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
where are my pants?
in the oven.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
