Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
