I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize