omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hate all girls vehemently.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize