It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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