I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
