don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
