Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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