I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
