So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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