One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
