The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
