The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
