Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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