If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
