# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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