I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
