I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
