I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
