Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My balls are so social today.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
