he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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