Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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