TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
