I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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