Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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