is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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