I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
