I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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