I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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