WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
