Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
