So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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