i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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