Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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