A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You ruined the universe
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So here I am, sexting at work.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
