his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
