so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
