Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize