i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
