dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize