i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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