I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
