the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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