This dress was meant to end up on your floor
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it because I queefed?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
