Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
