I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
