if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
