It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
