This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
