The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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