last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
