New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
