ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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