Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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