I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
