I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
