Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
