His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
